Sex – 10 Tips for men who want a better sex life!
When sex and desire is alive in a woman, it can and will overwhelm a man. You might be surprised to hear that it’s possible for us to inspire and evoke her desire. Inspiring this requires a few extra skills, some awareness and a willingness to learn. It isn’t as hard as you might think – some love, touch and conscious connection goes a long way. Here are 10 tips to get you started:
10 things to turn your sexless relationship around:
- Sex is not something to get from her:
Sex is two people sharing and expressing their love through connection. It’s a two-bodied expression of love. Show her your love, inspire her to to shower you with her love. Trust me, you want this. If she’s a raging storm when she’s angry, she can be equally wild in her loving of you. Pay attention to what she loves, what’s important to her and what lights her up the most, then bring it!
- Foreplay starts the moment you finish having sex:
Hold her, caress her, be there and be present. Tell her what you’re thinking. Have you ever woken up and thought “fuck you are hot ” as her hair is all messed up, eyes glued together with sleep and one boob hanging out of the sheets? Tell her!! “Fuck you are hot!” or when she’s dagging around the house in old pants or a dressing gown that falls just right across her ass, tell her!! “I love your ass in those pants” If you’re thinking about her at work and you get hard, send her a message, “baby I’m thinking about you and it’s driving me crazy!” If you’re missing her send her a message, it doesn’t have to be wet and gooey “hhhmmmm I can’t stop thinking of you, I wish I was with you.” Communicate to her, let her know and don’t always make it about sex. Notice her and what is happening, this will make a huge difference.
- Listen to her:
Just that, listen. You don’t have to fix it, don’t try and make her feel better, just let her feel. This is called holding space. You do this by being Present. By being present you’re creating a space for her to be all that she is, all that she feels then and there. And it will change as soon as she finishes her sentence, allow this. It requires you to do nothing essentially. How many men love doing nothing? So, do it impeccably! If it rains outside you don’t try and fix the weather do you? No. In essence she is the same, put on your coat and deal with it. She’ll love you for it and best of all, you don’t really have to do anything!
- Touch her:
Touch her as you walk past in the kitchen or on the lounge. Let her feel you’re there and that you notice her. You may run your hand over the small of her back or across her ass, her shoulders or arm. Do it to offer her your touch, not to get something from her. This is important! As men, we often touch women to get something, sex, food, love or attention. Just offer her something for her without wanting anything in return. Touch her as you walk by, don’t say anything, just keep going about what you’re doing.
- Learn that sex is like art:
It’s exciting, you get to paint a new picture each time. Change it up by being spontaneous, watch her face, look in her eyes, how does she respond as you touch her and where? She’s not like a man, her whole body is an erogenous zone, so use it. What works one day won’t the next, yet what didn’t might!! Think of her as a wave on the ocean, she moves and changes beneath you. If you want to ride the wave you need to know what it’s doing as it’s doing it and be ready to change accordingly. That’s where it’s like art, you won’t know what you’re doing next until it happens and you won’t know where you’re going until you get there. It’s an adventure!
- It’s not about technique:
You’re not a circus monkey so drop the performance. Don’t try to get her to orgasm and definitely stop driving for your own. Driving to your own orgasm often finishes sex. Duh, what are you thinking? You’re finally here and what, you want to finish? Enjoy the ride, take your time, enjoy her. Notice the feeling of her skin on yours, enjoy her passion as she becomes the waves that flow under you, through you and around you. Watch her body move and respond to you, enjoy touching her and seeing what happens, explore her!
- Play with her and make her laugh:
The truth is she wants to feel something. So, give her something to feel. If you don’t she’ll create something to feel, it will often start with a complaint or criticism at which point you will want to check out. You will reinforce her fear, that you were already unavailable. If you’re tired or need rest, take it. Say I need one hours rest and then I’ll be with you. Be there in one hour exactly and be with her. She would much rather an hour of your loving attention and affection, you lovingly playing with her, being totally with her than a whole night of you checked out watching something on the TV giving her half assed nothing.
- Massage her:
Try some loving touch in your relationship, this is the practice of touching her for her. Don’t let this one lead to sex. Many woman have had the experience of men touching them because they want something from them. Get some oils, a candle, lay her down and just lovingly rub her body. Stay away from her nipples and her vagina, this is the opportunity to retrain her nervous system to relax and allow you to touch her. She wants to be able to trust you. This is really important! You can gently massage around her breasts just leave her nipples alone. Watch her and breathe with her at the same time. Notice the sensations of her skin on your hands, lovingly appreciate her and allow that to be reflected by your touch, adjust your touch to her feedback. If she likes something she’ll let you know, if she doesn’t she’ll let you know more! Enjoy navigating her body, you’re on a journey!
- Learn to be still:
Try breathing into your belly during sex, it relaxes your body, the more you relax the more space there is for her to let go. This is important if you like your woman to go crazy on you during sex. I love this one. It will also allow you greater control of your orgasm. Have you ever had an orgasm with a totally relaxed body? No is my answer. Deepen your breath, relax your body, from here it allows space for you to start to feel into her and intuit where to go next.
- Orgasm and ejaculation are two separate things:
You can orgasm and not ejaculate which feels way more intense. You can have as many orgasms as you want without ejaculating. Once you get this one down you won’t want to ejaculate as often. Ejaculation feels more like a sneeze compared to orgasm without ejaculation. If orgasm with an ejaculation is a six it’s a 12 without. There are some great articles out there on this one. Google it. One technique I found to be incredibly helpful is stopping mid pee. Wait until you have full flow then stop, full flow, stop. Keep repeating this, these are the muscles you need to train to separate ejaculation from orgasm. You can even practice walking around, at work or the dinner table, no one will know! It will drive her crazy if she can’t make you cum and you’ll enjoy her trying to! This makes for hours of fun and so much better for both of you!
This will all come together to bring you a long way from where we started this article, so start right now. Love your woman and don’t hold back!
With Love Rod..