Assimilation – The Love Serial Killer


I had a realisation today, I became a Love serial killer. Yes. I murdered every relationship I had without even knowing it. Consistently.

The mode for my love and relationship death squad is Assimilation.

Love, ease and flow are highly valued in our relationships. These qualities symbolize closeness and alignment in our culture, and are considered to be of more value. Our relationship is deemed successful when these qualities are present. The more we make our partners like us and ourselves like our partners the more we assimilate. This creates devastation of our natural inner polarity.

This seems simple enough when I look back, I was doing things right – the way things should be done, apparently. I was feeling my emotions, expressing them, being open and vulnerable, sharing with my partner – my lover. We had a beautiful connection. I was just like one of her girlfriends! (Alarm bells go off here!) I could empathize, sympathize and connect.

When I look back I want to to slap myself in the face. You see, it’s great to be able to express feeling, to be open and vulnerable, and share with your partner. In fact, I would say it’s essential. However, to stop here is foolish -. It’s a quick way to become the most unattractive man on the planet.

I’ve danced in, out, and around relationships for some time. I love looking at the ways I relate with others, and exploring how I can build – and maintain – my relationships. Assimilation is the top modern killer of relationships. This is because, this planet runs on polarity. The North and South Poles, life and death, on and off, yes and no, men and women, and masculine and feminine, are all examples of polarity in action. The Earth thrives on polarity; it exists everywhere.

Over the years, we have evolved. When I look back at the 1950’s there is no way I would want to be a man or a woman in a relationship. Both the gender roles were underdeveloped, unexplored, and somewhat confused and unaligned. As we have evolved, we have balanced out. Society is now fairer, more balanced and we are better for it. The challenge, though, is that in this quest for balance, our polarity has been lost.

And, when polarity is missing, relationships die slowly and painfully. Without polarity, relationships are politically correct, dull, grey and just boring as hell.

What I see is that we have swapped “equal” for the “same.” The problem is that these are two very different things. The same equals assimilation. Yet, at the core, men and women are not the same. We are opposites, men and women.

How do we have equality with polar opposites?

Embracing polarity in a relationship does not mean that equality goes out the window. Equality is achieved by recognising and valuing the strengths, beauty and necessity of the other in their essence. Equality is learning to love, respect and honour the differences in the other.

We do this by allowing the truth of that person, who they are and how they show up in the world to be expressed in our space, embracing acceptance of the fact that we are fundamentally different. We allow that person to live their truth in our presence without using their differences against them.

By valuing, loving and respecting our differences, we can evoke love, truth and connection with our partner.

It’s important to maintain an awareness throughout challenging times that our partner is the person we’ve chosen to love. To keep reminding ourselves by bringing it into the conversation, even if we’re blisteringly angry  e.g. I’m so angry right now, I love you and it hurts!

By acknowledging and recognizing the love, honouring the differences and allowing space for people to live their values, even if they’re the opposite of our values, we open ourselves up to experience and see our lovers. We allow space for them to evolve into more of who they are, more of the person we love.

Recognizing, honouring and valuing our differences is the key to not becoming a love and relationship serial Killer,

Learn more about how you can overcome this here

With Love Rod..

Photo Credit – Created by Pressfoto –

4 Comments. Leave new

Wow Rod, I really tried to be as present as possible reading that.
It’s so important to honer the people in our lives and ourselves. Embarrassing our differences and being able to talk about things is so integral, and sadly missing a lot of the time. There’s this strange thing that happenes in relationships where the more involved with a person you become the less easy it is to be honest.
Well not anymore for any of it for me.
I say it’s better to be on your own than be inauthentic.
We are growing so quickly as a race, relationships need to change to.


I love this piece Rod. This idea, or approach to relationships is something I’ve long believed, but it’s the first time I’ve ever heard (or, in this case, read) it articulated so well. Thank you!


Awesome Rod. Great to read your perspective on this and think this is something very valuable for many people in relationships. Thanks! James M


Love this blog.. such powerful reflections on relationships. <3


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