Seeing Your Woman


Seeing your woman is a powerful practice that will deepen intimacy, transmute trauma and old wounds from pain and suffering to love, connection and intimacy. 

There is something that shifts or loosens in the body when pain, trauma, and emotional wounds are seen.

‘I see’ sits at the root or base of the masculine, it’s ingrained deeply and is a part of the foundation of the masculine experience, for a man or a woman. And in any moment whoever is holding that position within a relationship, holds the masculine pole.

I notice a lot of tension in many women’s bodies, that pain and suffering locked in the body often go unnoticed, this amplifies the pain and can lead to a sense of feeling alone, lost, and isolated, even in a relationship. Being in this place can leave your woman with a sense of helplessness, a sense of I don’t know where to go, how do I shift this? 

I’m with the man I love and I still don’t feel connected. I have to work this out on my own.

This is one beautiful opportunity that lies before us men, how do we love her in a way that will transcend these experiences into love.

Many times it requires much less from a man than he thinks. Often saying nothing, doing nothing, is the medicine. 

By this I mean Presence. 

Not distracted, thinking about something else kind of nothing, but a deeply felt nothingness that is offered through the body, this is the medicine, the medicine she needs.

To be still, silent and present, to notice the feelings moving through your body, but with more attention on her feelings, her experience. This requires very little engagement from a man. Engaging, responding and sharing how you feel as a man is a great way to derail and destroy the opportunity of the moment. 

To simply be present and witness is the gift. To watch her and encourage her expression even if her words feel violent and destructive. 

Invite her feelings forward. 

Encourage her emotion and when it comes, ask for more, “I want to see how you feel” or “show me”. 

When evoking your woman’s emotions and feeling experience it needs to be a felt experience through the body, which means no words. 

How does this work?

This is how I explain this to her:  

“Imagine 2 men in front of you, one is blind and one is deaf.

You need to communicate to both of these 2 men your feelings at the same time.

You can move your body into shapes that show how you feel and you can make any sounds you want to, that shows how you are feeling. 

Yet no words. Not one. 

Words are the domain of the head, feelings the domain of the body.”

Any feeling that hasn’t been fully touched, fully felt in the body will rise again to be felt. 

How many of you reading this have had a partner bring up things you’ve done in the past? Possibly years ago? 

The pain of that experience is still in your woman’s body, the only way this will change is when that feeling, emotion, or trauma, is fully felt. This requires moving the experience through the body.

A woman may resist this initially but when she lets go and truly allows herself to have the experience, she will feel liberated, seen and released from the prison of her emotions. It’s quite common that when a woman has been liberated from this emotional pain, she experiences love flowing through her body. 

A man being able to witness this, see this, is one of his gifts to his partner. 

Just that, is enough to transform trauma, emotions, even emotional abuse into love, intimacy, and connection.

And if you think about it, it is precisely what us men feel deeply called to do. 

Do nothing. Yet the nothingness needs to be impeccable. 

Just see her, all she needs is for you to be the space she can unravel in.

If you are interested in learning more about how to see your woman, you can contact me about the men’s group coaching container, Opening Her, or we can explore working together one on one. 


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